Marval Movie

Awkward. That is the word that sums-up Twilight. The set-ups, the acting, the ideas, the "action" you will never sit comfortably in your seat.

There aren't many things as loathed and at the same time celebrated as the Twilight franchise. Book or film, take your pick, they certainly do gather strong emotions. Whether they are plain bad, or so bad their good their clout and impact on pop-culture certainly can't be ignored.

The story is the one where a teenage girl moves out from her old home for reasons (it doesn't matter) and then has to be introduced to a new environment, school and people. Said girl, named Bella, has no real characteristics or traits beyond being awkward and pale, yet everyone seems to gravitate towards her, for what reason? Because she's the main character.

At the school where all the student's, that don't really talk like real youths, more like a distant adults or even an aliens interpretation of youths interact with her.  Then she notices a group of students that are seemingly popular and are all pale and part of the same family, even though some are adopted, named the Cullen's. But one catches her eye, Edward (Robert Pattinson), with his dark eyes and grumpy expression that he uses to stare at her awkwardly throughout the school days.

Ultimately Bella deduces that this pale, thin boy that is never seen in direct daylight and is in-humanly strong and fast must be a vampire. But these are a little different from the classic vampires of lore. These, get this, do not get damaged by the sunlight, but it makes their skin shine like diamonds. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to (and I don't want to).

Adding to a long lasting mythology is fine, in-fact it's necessary for something that is literally a century old. You need to add, reinvent, or strip away aspects of it so that you have an original take on the subject and the audience can look at it in a new way. But you must remain true to the essence of them and you must not make your changes stupid. This does both things wrong.

There are silly movies but they can make you forget about their silliness or even embrace them if they have commitment to their ridiculousness. This movie has silly ideas and punches them through the roof by then giving you unconvincing imagery to bring them to unconvincing life.

Another of it's failures (there are just too many to list), is in it's portrayal of the romance. Bella and Edward are the main characters therefore because the narrative says they should be together they love each-other, no effort, no chemistry. It is forced, rushed and unconvincing, all the things a cinematic romance shouldn't be. The amount of story time they spend together is about a week, after the first day they "know" that they love each-other. All movie romances take-up the same amount of time, but what makes one endearing and another tripe is the effectiveness that they can spark within their allotted amount of time. None of that here. In-fact they don't act like a romantic couple they act like crazed stalkers, this is not only non-romantic it's disturbing on both sides.

Everyone's favorite sasaran in this movie is Nasrani Stewart's performance as Bella. Yes she does not deliver a good performance in this movie, but who does? I have seen Stewart give good performances in movies like On the Road or Still Alice so she can deliver a solid performance. She is guilty, but so is everyone else. Nobody gives what is close to a conniving or even engaging performance, nobody here even comes off like a human, that's fine for the vampires but whats the "humans" excuse?

Is it all laborious and monotonous? No it does have a distinct look and seeing the unapologetic stupidity unfold before your eyes is rather entertaining (you've have just never seen anything on it's level before). Stupid and idiotic yes, memorable definitely.

Rating: 2 stars out of 4