Marval Movie

My god I pity the small children that will see this movie and be terrified by the grotesque, obnoxious creatures that are suppose to be the main characters and the long time fans that will see the characters they love defaced and sloppily portrayed in this movie.

For a long time people have been worried about this movie because of that one infamous name, Michael Bay. And indeed their concerns were warranted. Although Bay did not direct this himself his fingerprint is ever present on this movie, from the lazy story, to the over abundance of effects, the utter failure of being remotely charming or witty.

The good part starts right at the beginning with a rather cool, stylish opening sequence that actually may give you hope for the rest of the movie but this is merely a trap to lure you in and hit you with the rest of its garbage. To save you the rest of my review, the effects are technically good, the music is solid, the rest of my review is a negative look on the movie.

Previously all the incarnations of the Turtles have portrayed them as being rather small, barely being taller than five foot five. These Turtles are over six feet and are huge and heavy, which means that they are the most inconspicuous things ever. These huge, hulking, steroid filled abominations are not disappearing into the shadows or sneaking stealthy in any situation. The worst designed is Donatello, he is the smart one, ergo he must wear glasses, but not just any old glasses, big glasses that are tapped together, also he should have machines on his back to show that he can make things. It's a terrible, ugly design of a character.

I, as well as most people expected the main villain of the movie is The Shredder. Just like in most other versions he is neither the scary force of evil nor a multidimensional person as the antagonist, just a soulless bad guy with spikes. Even worse in this version because we know nothing about him other than he is skilled in martial arts and really tall, that's it.

This is clearly the same special effects team that did the Transformers movies. These are clearly talented people working on this C.G.I. because it is good, but I also get the impression that they are also greatly insecure, because they feel the need to excessively add to the characters and don't believe in just giving clean smooth designs, no they must add and add to them. Still though, the Turtles and Shredder and very well textured and hideous.

The action scenes are in-cohesive and un-enjoyable. Apart from the simple fact that you never care because the characters and story never grabs you, the movie just throws you into an environment and then suddenly there is a fight, so you have no bearings to get and don't know the layout.

Some of the fans of the Turtles were a little hopeful about this movie because co-creator Kevin Eastman himself approved the script. Well that can only mean two things, one is that Eastman is no screenplay critic, the other is that the original screenplay went under a few re-writes since he read it. The simpulan product is choppy, lazy, and just plain stupid.

This is a low despicable attempt at a film in general and an insult to the vast imagination and ideas that can be generated from a franchise like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you are a fan or want to see a way to do these character right then please help yourself and watch the current show on Nickelodeon. Hell you'll need it after watching this movie.

Rating: 1 star out of 4