Marval Movie

In order to know movies you need to know all of them. You need to have seen movies from many different cultures and to see the mediocre ones, the masterpieces and the terrible ones. This will allow you to have a wide range of understanding for how different movies operate and understand what differentiates a bad movie from a good one and a good one from a great one.

There are the great movies that everyone suggests you see like Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Seventh Seal, Pulp Fiction, Pan's Labyrinth, Psycho etc. And similarly, on the other side of the coin, there are the terrible movies, such as Birdemic, Troll 2, Dune and Plan 9 From Outer Space. But why is this? Perhaps because the greatest crime any piece of art can do is be forgettable. Filling us with great levels of joy is one thing, but at the same time filling us with rage, despair or even confusion is still effectively getting an emotional reaction from us. But if something came, went and we were left with nothing then that's precious time out of our lives that build towards nothing. Not shaping has happened. 

Food Fight! that was released in 2012 has gathered a reputation as the worst animated movie of all-time.  Does it deserve this title, yeah, it does.

The pain and suffering that is this movie begins with a supermarket called "Marketropolis" (that's actually not so bad a joke compared to everything else). Inside it's closing time and all the costumers and staff go home. Then, a few seconds after the lights go off, they come back on, but now everything in the store has come alive and is...moving and making noises essentially. We get shots moving through the supermarket of poorly rendered area and characters that appear and do something unfunny and not charming and then move on.

These are the worst visuals you will find in any movie. These are the kinds of visuals you find on Youtube by someone that has just started learning how to use C.G.I. not an actual movie that is meant for mass audience.

And when your over the grotesque surface level you realize that things don't make any sense beyond that either. All these characters are meant to be the products in the store right? Well are they aware of the people that come during the day and wish to either consume or drain them? Is the store magic and they can only come alive at night? Haven't any of them noticed that some of their friends are no longer there after a day of shopping? Are they more like spiritual guardians that only represent the products on the shelves? What you've just read is me, the reviewer, putting more thought into this movie by raising questions about it, than probably any of its filmmakers.

But wait isn't there a plot? Yeah, well here I go. There is a detective names Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen) that takes down the bad guy ad has a best girl that he comes home to named Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff). He cant ever seem to propose to her and one day she completely disappears. He's then left in a state of depression and another woman arrive on the sense named Lady X (Eva Longoria). I am failing to write this in any kind of engaging way because the movie a) failed to engage me during the watching experience and b) the filmmakers just didn't care either.

Shocker, the emotions in the film don't work. Besides them being pathetic attempt's at connecting with the audience, it's because the creators seem uninterested. It's almost as if they are in a rush to get the movie done with, the actors read out their lines fast and then we are pushed into another place or situation with no breathing time.

If all these choices seem like the tipping point of crazy incompetence then guess what? This also comes with a bucket load of sexual undertones! Yep that's right. I don't mind having sexuality in animation, animation is a medium, not a genre there is a place for mature animated movies. But when you have a movie where your main characters are food products, and have characters named Dex Dogtective and Sunshine Goodness this is not the place for it. This is like like having extreme violence in Saturday morning cartoons, its awkward and inappropriate in concept and awkward and uncomfortable to watch. We can watch South Park and Rick & Morty deal with such shocking material because they establish that this is their tone and themes so we understand that this is something for adults we're watching. This makes it seem like a children's story-book is being read by a pervert.

Though no film can be made by one individual and everyone tries to make a good film (I should hope), this film has a unique advantage. You see the writer, directer and producer are all the same person, so we know who to blame. Laurence Kasasnoff is responsible for all the major aspects of making a film and was given more than a substantial budget to have it run smoothly, so there are no excuses.

If there was not enough to blame this movie was made on a budget of (according to Wikipedia) 45 million dollars. Knowing that, just at the technical level of the horrors that we constantly have to look at on-screen. Consider Dark City, Terminator, The Neon Demon, The Book of Life, Crimson Peak and Anomalisa. Why do you need to keep these movies in-mind? Because they are all gorgeous and were made with less or at least only a little more of that said budget. So why does this movie look so vile when it is possible to create good looking movies within a reasonable budget? Any number of reasons, one that comes to mind is that the filmmakers pocketed the money and only spend a shaving of it on the actual product.

In fact it infuriates me to know that many filmmakers cant get their projects off the ground because the studios are nervous about their originality and taking their stories and characters in different directions. Yet this did get financed and nothing about it works or is brave, just senseless incompetence.

But wait! There's more! As if this move hadn't committed enough sins to grantee it a place in Hell's lowest circle, it wastes it's talent. Yes behind the microphone there is talent. Actors like Christopher Lloyd, Ed Asner, Eva Longoria, Cloris Leachman, James Arnold Taylor, Jeff Bergman and Jeff Bennett are all talented people that are capable of so much more. But they do not, but of course no actor is able to take such dreg obrolan and moronic situations and dignify it with any kind of effort or real chops.

I've written about the action climax in movies and how it usually means that the filmmakers have run-out of things to say and they simply resort to sounds lights to distract the audience from this. Well this movie isn't even an hour and a half long and it has nothing to say in its entire run-time. But there is still a plot happening and for the last chunk of the movie there is an action scene where it really is just foolishness, just things being tossed by blobs at other blobs. It is a mess that we have to watch happening on-screen.

Nothing, there is no point in the entire run-time where you can sit comfortably in your chair because every single second of this movie you are assaulted by the grotesque imagery on-screen and the moronic obrolan and pathetic attempts at humor. A movie is images and sound moving together in harmony, this is an attack on both senses. Your eyes will sting during the watching, you will want to cover your ears to block-out the relentless, moronic sounds and you will be haunted by the terrors you've witnessed.This is one of the worst movies I have ever had to endure. This is one of the worst THINGS I have ever had to endure.

The worst crime a movie can commit is be forgettable? Well this may do something worse, you will remember it, you will remember how this low piece of trash took-up a chunk of your life and present you with such disgusting imagery that its like it extinguished a cigarette on your brain. It is a scar on your brain.  

Rating: Zero Stars

My 200th post and I had to make it something special. This is the first movie to get the lowest rating possible. Thank you to my friend that gave me the movie and therefore the inspiration to write the review. Here's to another hundred reviews! You keep reading so I'll keep writing.